The Fear of Failure

by Paton Roden

University of Virginia 

Can we just fast-forward six months? We will have the job and be in our perfect daily routine. We will have a good salary (What a great thing after graduate school! Goodbye Ramen!) and will be in the midst of a new and thrilling journey. We will enjoy our job, and we will have friendly coworkers. We will have the dream boss who provides us with everything we need to succeed. We will have the ideal balance of challenge and support. We also will have the ideal opportunities for personal and professional development. We will be making a difference in students’ lives. And our location…it will be ideal. If we seek to be near family and friends, we will be. If we seek a new experience on our own, that will be the case. And the institution, oh’ it couldn’t be a better fit! We will not only align with the mission, vision, and values, but we will also LOVE the department we work in. It will be perfect. We will be happy. This is the dream.

But, what if this is not the case six months from now? What if we don’t like our job? What if we aren’t employed? What if we are not happy? I think that is our biggest fear. What if we fail ourselves? We fear making the wrong decision, choosing the wrong job, regretting it, and therefore, not being happy.

There is no guarantee that you will be in this ideal place six months from now. More than likely, everything will not be perfect. Fortunately, in order to be happy, everything does not have to be just right.

My advice:

1.    Set the facts straight.  When you look at your past successes, you will see that there are no indications that you will not have a job. You probably have a pretty good resume. You also probably have marketable student affairs experiences such as internships, assistantships, practicums, part-time work, coursework, and perhaps full-time work. Maybe you won’t get the first job you apply to and maybe you won’t get the second, third or fourth, but there is no indication you will not be able to get a job. Don’t blow this out of proportion.

2.    Don’t ignore reality. You might dread the job search, but you cannot pretend it isn’t there forever. The longer you wait to acknowledge it and jump on the applications, the more daunting they become. The sooner you take the reins, the better off you will be. Many things are outside of your control during this process, so make sure that you do control the things you can. Update that resume and cover letter. Call those references. Apply for that posting.

3.    Rome wasn’t built in a day. You do not have to do it all right now. You do not have to apply to every job today. It is called the job search process for a reason. It is a process. Having the perfect resume format, perfect cover letter, or ideal interview list does not happen all at once. It will take weeks, even months. Take it all one step at a time. Day by day, you will get there.   

4.    Be reasonable. Perfect does not exist. There will be certain compromises. You might have the ideal job in the not-so-ideal location. You might have a wonderful boss, but a co-worker you have to work a little harder to get along with. Just do what is right for you. By no means, accept a job you don’t feel is right, but be reasonable as well. Know the things you are not willing to compromise and be reasonable with others.

5.    You are not them. Let me repeat: YOU ARE NOT THEM. I don’t care that Jane has the perfect resume. I don’t care that Matt has 30 interviews. I don’t even care that Susie has a job already. You are your own person. As hard, and yes I mean very hard, as it is, stop comparing yourself to them. Your perfect situation is not theirs. Your job will come. You will appreciate it more when it does because it will fit you.

6.    Give yourself credit. This is hard. This is stressful. This might feel like one of the most draining things in the world. By the end of this process, you will be emotionally and physically exhausted. So, in the meantime…order that glass of wine! Eat that dessert! Go to that movie! Why? Because you deserve it.

Most people dread the job search, and one of the main reasons is the fear of failing. We want it all to be perfect- both the process and the end result. We must wake up and realize it isn’t. There will be ups and downs. Don’t let the downs hold you back.